Friday 20 October 2017

World's 8 superb lessons worth sharing with loved ones:
--------------<>-------------

Shakespeare :👌🏿

Never  play  with the feelings

of  others  because  you may

win the  game but the  risk is

that  you  will surely  lose 

the person  for a  life time.

--------------------------------

Napoleon:👌🏿

The world  suffers  a  lot. Not

because  of  the  violence  of

bad people, But because   of

the silence of good people!

--------------------------------

Einstein :👌🏿

I  am  thankful  to  all those

who  said  NO  to  me   It's

because  of  them  I  did  it

myself.

--------------------------------

Abraham Lincoln :👌🏿

If friendship is your weakest

point  then  you  are  the

strongest  person  in the

world.

--------------------------------

Shakespeare :👌🏿

Laughing  faces  do  not

mean that  there is  absence

of sorrow!  But it means that

they  have the ability to deal

with it. 

----------------------

William  Arthur : 👌🏿

Opportunities   are  like

sunrises, if  you  wait too

long  you  can miss them. 

------------------------------

Hitler : 👌🏿

When  you  are  in  the light,

Everything follows  you, But

when  you  enter  into   the

dark, Even your own shadow

doesn't  follow  you.

--------------------------------

Shakespeare : 👌🏿

Coin  always  makes  sound

but  the  currency  notes are

always  silent.  So  when

  your value  increases

keep quiet.
These fit so well they should be in a dictionary. 

ADULT 
A person who has stopped growing at both ends
And is now growing in the middle. 

BEAUTY PARLOUR 
A place where women curl up and dye. 
 

CHICKENS
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead. 

COMMITTEE
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours. 

DUST
Mud with the juice squeezed out. 

EGOTIST
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation. 

HANDKERCHIEF
Cold Storage. 

INFLATION 
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO
An insect that makes you like flies better. 

RAISIN
A grape with a sunburn. 

SECRET
Something you tell to one person at a time. 

SKELETON
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off. 

TOOTHACHE
The pain that drives you to extraction. 

TOMORROW
One of the greatest Labor saving devices of today. 

YAWN
An honest opinion openly expressed. 

And MY Personal Favorite!! 

WRINKLES
Something other people have, 
Similar to my character lines.
😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😜😜😜
In 1892 at Stanford University , an 18-year-old student was struggling to pay his fees. He was an orphan, and not knowing where to turn for money, he came up with a bright idea. He and a friend decided to host a musical concert on campus to raise money for their education.

They reached out to the great pianist Ignacy J. Paderewski. His manager demanded a guaranteed fee of $2000 for the piano recital. A deal was struck and the boys began to work to make the concert a success.
The big day arrived. But unfortunately, they had not managed to sell enough tickets. The total collection was only $1600. Disappointed, they went to Paderewski and explained their plight. They gave him the entire $1600, plus a cheque for the balance $400. They promised to honour the cheque at the soonest possible.

"No," said Paderewski. "This is not acceptable." He tore up the cheque, returned the $1600 and told the two boys: "Here's the $1600. Please deduct whatever expenses you have incurred. Keep the money you need for your fees. And just give me whatever is left". The boys were surprised, and thanked him profusely.
It was a small act of kindness. But it clearly marked out Paderewski as a great human being.
Why should he help two people he did not even know? We all come across situations like these in our lives. And most of us only think "If I help them, what would happen to me?" The truly great people think, "If I don't help them, what will happen to them?" They don't do it expecting something in return. They do it because they feel it's the right thing to do.

Paderewski later went on to become the Prime Minister of Poland. He was a great leader, but unfortunately when the World War began, Poland was ravaged. There were more than 1.5 million people starving in his country, and no money to feed them . Paderewski did not know where to turn for help. He reached out to the US Food and Relief Administration for help.
He heard there was a man called Herbert Hoover — who later went on to become the US President. Hoover agreed to help and quickly shipped tons of food grains to feed the starving Polish people.
A calamity was averted. Paderewski was relieved. 

He decided to go across to meet Hoover and personally thank him. When Paderewski began to thank Hoover for his noble gesture Hoover quickly interjected and said, " You shouldn't be thanking me Mr. Prime Minister. You may not remember this, but several years ago, you helped two young students go through college. I was one of them ."

The world is a wonderful place. What goes around comes around. Please help others to the best of your ability. In the long run you may be helping yourself. God never forgets anyone who sows a good seed in other people, never .  

Nothing in nature lives for itself. Rivers don't drink their own water. Trees don't eat their own fruit. Sun doesn't give heat for itself. Flowers don't spread fragrance for themselves. Living for others is the rule of nature. And therein lies the secret of living . 

[8:15 AM, 9/8/2017] +91 88790 73666: In a recent interview the MD of Daimler Benz (Mercedes Benz) said their competitors are no longer other car companies but Tesla (obvious), Google, Apple, Amazon .

Software will disrupt most traditional industries in the next 5-10 years.   

Uber is just a software tool, they don't own any cars, and are now the biggest taxi company in the world

Airbnb is now the biggest hotel company in the world, although they don't own any properties.   

Artificial Intelligence: Computers become exponentially better in understanding the world. This year, a computer beat the best Go player in the world,  10 years earlier than expected. 

In the US, young lawyers already don't get jobs. Because of IBM Watson, you can get legal advice (so far for more or less basic stuff) within seconds, with 90% accuracy compared with 70% accuracy when done by humans. 

So if you study law, stop immediately. There will be 90% less lawyers in the future, only specialists will remain.  

Watson already helps nurses diagnosing cancer, 4 times more accurate than human nurses. Facebook now has a pattern recognition software that can recognize faces better than humans. In 2030, computers will become more intelligent than humans. 

Autonomous cars: In 2018 the first self driving cars will appear for the public. Around 2020, the complete industry will start to be disrupted. You  don't want to own a car anymore. You will call a car with your phone, it will show up at your location and drive you to your destination. You will not need to park it, you only pay for the driven distance and can be productive while driving. Our kids will  never get a driver's licence and will never own a car. 

It will change the cities, because we will need 90-95% less cars for that. We can transform former parking spaces into parks. 1.2 million people die  each year in car accidents worldwide. We now have one accident every 60,000 miles (100,000 km), with autonomous driving that will drop to one accident in 6 million miles (10 million km). That will save a million lives each year. 

Most car companies will probably become bankrupt. Traditional car companies try the evolutionary approach and just build a better car, while tech companies (Tesla, Apple, Google) will do the revolutionary approach and build a computer on wheels. 

Many engineers from Volkswagen and Audi; are completely terrified of Tesla. 

Insurance companies will have massive trouble because without accidents, the insurance will become 100x cheaper. Their car insurance business model  will disappear. 

Real estate will change. Because if you can work while you commute, people will move further away to live in a more beautiful neighborhood.

Electric cars will become mainstream about 2020. Cities will be less noisy because all new cars will run on electricity. Electricity will become incredibly cheap and clean: Solar production has been on an exponential curve for 30 years, but you can now see the burgeoning impact.  

Last year, more solar energy was installed worldwide than fossil. Energy companies are desperately trying to limit access to the grid to prevent competition from home solar installations, but that can't last. Technology will take care of that strategy. 

With cheap electricity comes cheap and abundant water. Desalination of salt water now only needs 2kWh per cubic meter (@ 0.25 cents). We don't have  scarce water in most places, we only have scarce drinking water. Imagine what will be possible if anyone can have as much clean water as he wants, for nearly no cost.   

Health:    The Tricorder X price will be announced this year. There are companies who will build a medical device (called the "Tricorder" from Star Trek)  that works with your phone, which takes your retina scan, your blood sample and you breath into it.

It then analyses 54 biomarkers that will identify nearly any disease. It will be cheap, so in a few years everyone on this planet will have access to world class medical analysis, nearly for free. Goodbye, medical establishment. 

3D printing: The price of the cheapest 3D printer came down from $18,000 to $400 within 10 years. In the same time, it became 100 times faster. All  major shoe companies have already started 3D printing shoes.

Some spare airplane parts are already 3D printed in remote airports. The space station now has a printer that eliminates the need for the large amount of spare parts they used to have in the past. 

At the end of this year, new smart phones will have 3D scanning possibilities.    You can then 3D scan your feet and print your perfect shoe at home.   

In China, they already 3D printed and built a complete 6-storey office building.    By 2027, 10% of everything that's being produced will be 3D printed. 

Business opportunities: If you think of a niche you want to go in, ask yourself: "in the future, do you think we will have that?" and if the answer  is yes, how can you make that happen sooner?

If it doesn't work with your phone, forget the idea. And any idea designed for success in the 20th century is doomed to failure in the 21st century. 

Work:  70-80% of jobs will disappear in the next 20 years. There will be a lot of new jobs, but it is not clear if there will be enough new jobs in such a small time. 

Agriculture:   There will be a $100 agricultural robot in the future. Farmers in 3rd world countries can then become managers of their field instead of working all day on their fields. 

Aeroponics will need much less water. The first Petri dish produced veal, is now available and will be cheaper than cow produced veal in 2018. Right now, 30% of all agricultural surfaces is used for cows. Imagine if we don't need that space anymore. There are several startups who will bring insect protein to the market shortly. It contains more protein than meat. It will be labelled as "alternative protein source" (because most people still reject the idea of eating insects). 

There is an app called "moodies" which can already tell in which mood you're in.  By 2020 there will be apps that can tell by your facial expressions, if you are lying. Imagine a political debate where it's being displayed when they're telling the truth and when they're not. 

Bitcoin may even become the default reserve currency ... Of the world! 

Longevity:  Right now, the average life span increases by 3 months per year. Four years ago, the life span used to be 79 years, now it's 80 years. The increase itself is increasing and by 2036, there will be more than one year increase per year. So we all might live for a long long time, probably way more than 100.

Education:  The cheapest smart phones are already at $10 in Africa and Asia. By 2020, 70% of all humans will own a smart phone. That means, everyone  has the same access to world class education. 

Every child can use Khan academy for everything a child needs to learn at school in First World countries. There have already been releases of software in Indonesia and soon there will be releases in Arabic, Suaheli and Chinese this summer. I can see enormous potential if we give the English app for free, so that children in Africa and everywhere else can become fluent in English and that could happen within half a year.

Two well dressed lawyers went to an expensive restaurant...
Ordered 2 coffees
and then took out sandwiches from their briefcases to eat... 

Waitress: Sorry Sir !!! But you can't eat your OWN food here... Its against the rules ...

The lawyers quietly looked at each other then EXCHANGED 
their sandwiches & continued their meals !!!
( You can trust lawyers to find loopholes in any rule)...
Hilarious take on how 'budget airlines' charge, and what happens when it is given back to them !!

Spare a thought for poor ole Michael O'Leary, Chief Executive of Ryanair. 

After arriving in a hotel in Manchester, he went to the bar and asked for a pint of Guinness. 

The barman nodded and said, "That will be £1 please, Mr. O'Leary." 

Somewhat taken aback, O'Leary replied, "That's very cheap," and handed over his money.

"Well, we do try to stay ahead of the competition", said the lbarman. "And we are serving free pints every Wednesday from 6 pm until 8 pm. We have the cheapest beer in England".

"That is remarkable value", Michael comments.

"I see you don't seem to have a glass, so you'll probably need one of ours. That will be £3 please." 

O'Leary scowled, but paid up. 

He took his drink and walked towards a seat. "Ah, you want to sit down?" said the barman. "That'll be an extra £2. You could have pre-booked the seat, and it would have only cost you £1."

"I think you may be too big for the seat sir, can I ask you to sit in this frame please". 

Michael attempts to sit down but the frame is too small and when he can't squeeze in, he complains "Nobody would fit in that little frame". 

"I'm afraid if you can't fit in the frame you'll have to pay an extra surcharge of £4 for your seat sir". 

O'Leary swore to himself, but paid up. "I see that you have brought your laptop with you" added the barman. "And since that wasn't pre-booked either, that will be another £3." 

O'Leary was so incensed that he walked back to the bar, slammed his drink on the counter, and yelled, "This is ridiculous, I want to speak to the manager". 

"I see you want to use the counter," says the barman, "that will be £2 please." 

O'Leary's face was red with rage. "Do you know who I am?" 

"Of course I do Mr. O'Leary." 

"I've had enough! What sort of a Hotel is this? I come in for a quiet drink and you treat me like this. I insist on speaking to a manager!" 

"Here is his e-mail address, or if you wish, you can contact him between 9.00 am and 9.01am every morning, Monday to Tuesday at this free phone number. Calls are free, until they are answered, then there is a talking charge of only £1 per second, or part thereof".

"I will never use this bar again".

"OK sir, but do remember, we are the only hotel in England selling pints for £1." 
🍺🍺
A 1963 Harvard graduate said this:

"My one big mistake in life has been providing a trust fund for my five' children. I'm very comfortable paying for an education for as long as they want to study in a reputable university. However, providing additional funds so they could have a lifestyle beyond what they have achieved on their own was a mistake."

A leadership teacher, John Maxwell says and I quote:

"If you do everything for your children, what will they do for themselves?"

By the time they finish university education, we have slaved and built houses for them, put car keys in their hands and bankrolled their wedding.

What will they do for themselves?

In the course of doing these for them, some people develop hypertension and all sorts of illnesses. Some slump and die. Some even steal to achieve these for their children.

I submit to you all that inheritance goes beyond material things. Give your children the right values, strong character and a revelatory knowledge of the power they carry as a creature of God!

Then they will create water to sell in the dessert and sell sand to the Arabs to build mansions for themselves.

Do something for your children to make them have a softer take off.

The keyword is "take off".

Do not take over their lives because you yourself have your life to live.
Humour in Court....

A man was taken to Court for calling an Honourable Minister a pig.

It was his first offence and the Judge was in a good mood and decided to show mercy. 

So he discharged him after warning him to desist from unguarded utterances in future.

The man removed his cap and thanked the benevolent Judge profusely, ''Thank you, your lordship." 
He continued, "Honestly sir, I didn't know it was wrong to call an Honourable Minister a pig. I won't do it again. I am sorry.''

''It's okay'', said the Judge, ''you may go.''

''My lord, may I ask a question, sir?''

''Feel free'' answered the Judge.

''Now I know it's wrong to call an Honourable Minister a pig...
But is it also wrong to call a pig Honourable Minister?''

Amused, the Judge replied, ''I don't know why you would want to address a pig as Minister. 
But I don't think the pig would mind. It's not unlawful, by the way. 
Yes, you may call any pig Honourable Minister.''

The man smiled and nodded, then he turned to look pointedly at the Minister and said, ''Goodbye, Honourable Minister!"
😂😂😂
A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:


Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines  enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.


Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.


After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.

 ***********
 MALE PROCEDURE:
 1. Drive up to the cash machine.
 2. Put down your car window.
 3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
 4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
 5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
 6. Put window up.
 7. Drive off


 ***! ********


 FEMALE PROCEDURE:
 What is really funny is that most of this part is the Truth.!!!!


 1. Drive up to cash machine.
 2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the
machine.
 3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
 4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate
card.
 5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
 6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
 7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive
distance from the car.
 8. Insert card.
 9. Re-insert card the right way.
 10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the
inside  back page.
 11. Enter PIN.
 12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
 13. Enter amount of cash required.
 14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
 15! . Retrieve cash and receipt.
 16. Empty handbag again to locat e wallet and pla ce cash inside.
 17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of
checkbook.
 18. Re-check makeup.
 19. Drive forward 2 feet.
 20. Reverse back to cash machine.
 21. Retrieve card.
 22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot
provided!
 23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
 24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
 25. Redial person on cell phone.
 26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
 27. Release Parking Brake.
If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?

Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?

Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?

The word "swims" upside-down is still "swims".

100 years ago commoners used to own a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.

The doctors that told Stephen Hawking he had two years to live in 1953 are probably dead.

If you replace "W" with "T" in "What, Where and When", you get the answer to each of them.

If you rip a hole in a net, there are actually fewer holes in it than there were before.
10 Things Life has taught me : By Ali Mc Graw

1. Most of our life is spent chasing false goals and worshipping false ideals. The day you realise that is the day you really start to live.

2. You really, truly cannot please all of the people all of the time. Please yourself first and your loved ones second, everyone else is busy pleasing themselves anyway, trust me.

3. Fighting the ageing process is like trying to catch the wind. Go with it, enjoy it. Your body is changing, but it always has been. Don’t waste time trying to reverse that, instead change your mindset to see the beauty in the new.

4. Nobody is perfect and nobody is truly happy with their lot. When that sinks in you are free of comparison and free of judgement. It’s truly liberating.

5. No one really sees what you do right, everyone sees what you do wrong. When that becomes clear to you, you will start doing things for the right reason and you will start having so much more fun.

6. You will regret the years you spent berating your looks, the sooner you can make peace with the vessel your soul lives in, the better. Your body is amazing and important but it does not define you.

7. Your health is obviously important but stress, fear and worry are far more damaging than any delicious food or drink you may deny yourself. Happiness and peace are the best medicine.

8. Who will remember you and for what, become important factors as you age. Your love and your wisdom will live on far longer than any material thing you can pass down. Tell your stories, they can travel farther than you can imagine.

9. We are not here for long but if you are living against the wind it can feel like a life-sentence. Life should not feel like a chore, it should feel like an adventure.

10. Always, always, drink the good champagne and use the things you keep for ‘best’. Tomorrow is guaranteed to no one. Today is a gift that’s why we call it the present. Eat, Drink & Be Merry.
 A University professor wrote an expressive message to his students at the doctorate, masters and bachelors levels and placed it at the entrance in a university in South Africa.
And this is the message;

"Collapsing any nation does not require the use of atomic bombs or the use of long range missiles. It only requires lowering the quality of education and allowing cheating in the examinations by the students."

The patient dies in the hands of such doctors.

And the buildings collapse in the hands of such engineers.

And the money is lost in the hands of such accountants.

And humanity dies in the hands of such religious scholars.

And justice is lost in the hands of such judges...

"The collapse of education is the collapse of the nation."
When I was younger, I used to dream that I would be 60+ and I'd have a big bungalow, a German luxury car, a big business of my own.....

I'm glad that at least one of those dreams came true now.












I am 60+
Who is richer than Bill Gates?

Someone asked Bill Gates, "Is there any person richer than you?"

He said, "Yes, only one.

Many years ago, I had been dismissed & had gone to New York airport.

I read titles of newspapers there.

I liked one of them and I want to buy it.

But didn't  have change (coin). I abandoned."

Suddenly, a black boy called me and said
 “This newspaper for you.”

I said,
"..but I don’t have change."

He said,
“No problem, i give you free”.

After 3 months, i went there.

Coincidentally, that story happened again and that same boy gave another free newspaper again.

I said, "I can’t accept. But he said, 'i give you from my profit'

After 19 years, I had been rich and I decided to find that boy.

I found him after one and half months searching.
I asked him, do you know me?

He said, “Yes, you’re famous Bill Gates.”

I said, twice you gave me free newspaper many years ago.

Now, i want to compensate it.

I am going to give you everything that you want.

Black young man replied, “You can’t compensate it!”

I said, why?

He said, "Because i gave you when I was poor. You want to give me when you are rich. So, how do you compensate?"

Bill Gates said, I think that black young man is richer than me.

You don't have to be rich or wait to be rich to give....🤔🙏🖕

I dont know whether this is a real life incident or not but made lot of sense and hence the share.
OSHO ADVICE TO 50-YEARS OLD & OLDER

Because none of us have many years to live, and we can't take along anything when we go, so we don't have to be too thrifty.

Spend the money that should be spent, enjoy what should be enjoyed, donate what you are able to donate

DON'T WORRY about what will happen after we are gone, because when we return to dust, we will feel nothing about praises or criticisms. The time to enjoy the worldly life and your hard earned wealth will be over!

DON'T WORRY too much about your children, for children will have their own destiny and should find their own way.  Care for them, love them, give them gifts but also enjoy your money or what is left of it, while you can. Life should have more to it than working from the cradle to the grave!!

50-year olds, don't trade in - your health for wealth, by working yourself to an early grave anymore. Because your money may not be able to buy your health.

*When to stop making money, and how much is enough?             

Out  of thousand hectares of good farm land, you can consume only three quarts (of rice) daily; out of a thousand mansions, you only need eight square meters of  space to rest at night.

So, as long as you have enough food and enough money to spend, that is good enough. You should live happily. Every family has its own problems.

Just DO NOT COMPARE with others for fame and social status and see whose children are doing better etc., but challenge others for happiness, health, enjoyment, quality of  life and longevity.

DON'T WORRY about things that you can't change because it doesn't help and it may spoil your health.

You have to create your own well-being and find your own place of happiness. As long  as you are in good mood and good health, think about happy things, do happy things daily and have fun in doing, then you will pass your time happily every day.

One day passes WITHOUT happiness, you will lose one day.
One day passes WITH happiness and then you gain one day.

In good spirit, sickness will cure;
In a happy spirit, sickness will cure faster;
in high and happy spirits, sickness will never come.

*With good mood, exercise, sun, variety of foods, good amount of vitamin and mineral intake, hopefully you will live another 20 or 30 years of  healthy life.

ABOVE ALL -
Learn to cherish the goodness around... like your spouse and FRIENDS........... They all make you feel young and "wanted"... without them you are surely to feel lost !!

Wishing you all the best for the years to come.  Osho 💐🙏🔔

A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry.
Finally, he went to a Marriage Counselor.
The Counselor asked, "
Please describe your two loves."
"Well, one is a great poet."
"And the other?"
"The other makes delicious pancakes."
"I see. So, you can't decide whether to marry for batter or for verse !!

A 26-year-old MIT graduate is turning heads over his theory that income inequality is actually about housing


https://medium.com/the-ferenstein-wire/a-26-year-old-mit-graduate-is-turning-heads-over-his-theory-that-income-inequality-is-actually-2a3b423e0c
A Priest dies & is waiting in line at Heaven's Gate. 😂😂😂

Ahead of him is a guy, fashionably dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans.

God to the guy :
'' Who Are You....???? ''

Guy :
'' I am Thrissur-Guruvayur  Express Bus driver.....!!!! ''

God : Take this Gold robe & enter kingdom of heaven.

God to the Priest : Who Are You.....???? ''

Priest : I am a priest & spent 40yrs preaching good to people.

God :
'' Take this cotton Robe and enter heaven......!!!! ''

Priest :
'' God, how come that foul mouthed, rash driver gets a Gold &
 I spent all my life preaching Good,  get Cotton......!!!!! ''

God :
 '' Results, my son, Results......

While you Preached,
People Slept,
When he drove,
People Really Prayed.......'' 😆

☝“ It's Performance, Not Position That Counts.....!!!!!! ”
😆😆😂
WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:

Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put . The garage is all yours . Wedding plans take care of themselves . Chocolate is just another snack . You can be President . You can never be pregnant . You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park . You can wear NO shirt to a water park . Car mechanics tell you the truth ... The world is your urinal . You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky . You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt . Same work, more pay . Wrinkles add character . Wedding dress $5000 . Tux rental-$100 . People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them . New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet . One mood all the time .

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat . You know stuff about tanks . A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase . You can open all your own jars ... You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness . If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend ...

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack . Three pairs of shoes are more than enough . You almost never have strap problems in public . You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes . Everything on your face stays its original color . The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades . You only have to shave your face and neck .

You can play with toys all your life . One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons . You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look . You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife . You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache ..

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes .

No wonder men are happier .
Am sending  this to all the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading it
Now a days teachers are not allowed to say or write anything negative... A few interesting letters from teachers to get around this....... I loved every one of them😉
.


Dear Parent,
We are delighted to inform you that your child displays remarkable initiative. Not for him the simple-minded obedience to teachers. We refer to his admirable refusal to do homework. We have, however, humbly requested him to stoop to our level and condescend to do his homework. Your support is appreciated.
Yours anxiously,
Teacher



Dear Parent,
Your child's distaste for mundane subjects such as mathematics shows an imaginative mind. Why, he wonders, does the square of the hypotenuse have to be equal to the square of the other two sides in a right-angled triangle? It is no wonder that he has scored a splendid zero in his math exam. Unfortunately, even brilliant students have to pass exams. Could you gently break that news to him?
Yours entreatingly,
Teacher




Dear Parent,
We are pleased your child has one of the same qualities that Henry Ford, the founder of the Ford Motor Company, possessed. Like him, your son believes that history is bunk. But it may be best to disabuse him of the notion that the Mughal emperors were Amar, Akbar and Anthony.
Yours beseechingly,
Teacher



Dear Parent,
Your child submitted a blank paper for last week's science test, influenced perhaps by Albert Camus who said 'Whether the earth or the sun revolves around the other is a matter of profound indifference'. Your son shares that profound indifference, undoubtedly for philosophical reasons. But could you inform him that in order to study philosophy, he has to pass class eight first?
Yours plaintively,
Teacher



Dear Parent,
Your son has obviously read Friedrich Nietzsche's Beyond Good and Evil, which is why he was copying from the boy next to him during yesterday's test. Like Nietzsche, he believes that Supermen like him have little use for conventional notions of morality. The teacher who caught him copying is a conventional type who gave him a zero.
Yours desperately,
Teacher



Dear Parent,
We are impressed by your child's knowledge of martial arts. In the past month, he has broken two legs, four arms and three noses. He also shows prudence while fighting, taking care to pick on weaker boys. For some reason, however, the fathers of the boys who were beaten up are planning to go to your home with hockey sticks.
Yours wretchedly,
Teacher
Now a days teachers are not allowed to say or write anything negative... A few interesting letters from teachers to get around this....... I loved every one of them😉
.


Dear Parent,
We are delighted to inform you that your child displays remarkable initiative. Not for him the simple-minded obedience to teachers. We refer to his admirable refusal to do homework. We have, however, humbly requested him to stoop to our level and condescend to do his homework. Your support is appreciated.
Yours anxiously,
Teacher



Dear Parent,
Your child's distaste for mundane subjects such as mathematics shows an imaginative mind. Why, he wonders, does the square of the hypotenuse have to be equal to the square of the other two sides in a right-angled triangle? It is no wonder that he has scored a splendid zero in his math exam. Unfortunately, even brilliant students have to pass exams. Could you gently break that news to him?
Yours entreatingly,
Teacher




Dear Parent,
We are pleased your child has one of the same qualities that Henry Ford, the founder of the Ford Motor Company, possessed. Like him, your son believes that history is bunk. But it may be best to disabuse him of the notion that the Mughal emperors were Amar, Akbar and Anthony.
Yours beseechingly,
Teacher



Dear Parent,
Your child submitted a blank paper for last week's science test, influenced perhaps by Albert Camus who said 'Whether the earth or the sun revolves around the other is a matter of profound indifference'. Your son shares that profound indifference, undoubtedly for philosophical reasons. But could you inform him that in order to study philosophy, he has to pass class eight first?
Yours plaintively,
Teacher



Dear Parent,
Your son has obviously read Friedrich Nietzsche's Beyond Good and Evil, which is why he was copying from the boy next to him during yesterday's test. Like Nietzsche, he believes that Supermen like him have little use for conventional notions of morality. The teacher who caught him copying is a conventional type who gave him a zero.
Yours desperately,
Teacher



Dear Parent,
We are impressed by your child's knowledge of martial arts. In the past month, he has broken two legs, four arms and three noses. He also shows prudence while fighting, taking care to pick on weaker boys. For some reason, however, the fathers of the boys who were beaten up are planning to go to your home with hockey sticks.
Yours wretchedly,
Teacher
A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest.

The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."

"Well, I'll be damned!" the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
An Obituary printed in the London Times.....Absolutely  Brilliant !!
LONDON - February 7, 2012

CAN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE BE USED BETTER?!! DEBATABLE. READ ON...

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
- Why the early bird gets the worm;
- Life isn't always fair;
- And maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the religious institutions became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, launched a lawsuit and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death,
-by his parents, Truth and Trust,
-by his wife, Discretion,
-by his daughter, Responsibility,
-and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 5 stepbrothers;
- I Know My Rights
- I Want It Now
- Someone Else Is To Blame
- I'm A Victim
- Pay me for Doing Nothing

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
The Abilene Paradox...this  will sound VERY familiar

On my birthday a couple of years back, I wanted to take my family out for dinner. I asked my wife where we can go. Knowing that I like Indian food, she immediately said: “Let’s go to Rajdhani - The Thali Restaurant.”

My son and daughter both nodded in agreement. On return my son said: “I wish Pappa had taken us to Mainland China – he loves Chinese food.” “Or at least to Copper Chimney for the wonderful Punjabi food” added my daughter. “Yes, I too would have loved to go Mainland China”, I said.

My wife looked surprised: “But didn’t we all unanimously agree to go to Rajdhani” she asked.

I said sheepishly “I didn’t want you to feel bad.” And both my children nodded in agreement. Here were four people who of their own volition would not have gone to ‘Rajdhani - The Thali Restaurant', but collectively agreed to go there.

This also happens in the corporate world. This is the Abilene Paradox. Prof. Jerry Harvey calls it “The Inability to Manage Agreement”.

Abilene Paradox occurs when a group of people collectively decide on a course of action that is contrary to the preferences of many of the individuals in the group.

Prof. Harvey states in his paper ‘The Abilene Paradox’: “Organizations frequently take actions in contradiction to what they really want to do and therefore defeat the very purpose they are trying to achieve”. This is the inability to manage agreement.

He adds: “The inability to manage agreement, not the inability to manage conflict, is the essential symptom that defines organizations caught in the web of the Abilene Paradox.”

In the corporate world, when the top boss throws an idea, the group immediately agrees. This is because everyone in the group thinks he would look stupid if he disagrees.  Standing out as a lone voice is very embarrassing. This leads the group to decide on ‘yes’ when ‘no’ would have been the personal (and the correct) response of the majority.

I love this from Ayn Rand: “If we have an endless number of individual minds who are weak, meek, submissive and impotent – who renounce their creative supremacy for the sake of the “whole” and accept humbly the ‘whole’s verdict’ – we don’t get a collective super-brain. We get only the weak, meek, submissive and impotent collective mind.”😊
The Abilene Paradox...this  will sound VERY familiar

On my birthday a couple of years back, I wanted to take my family out for dinner. I asked my wife where we can go. Knowing that I like Indian food, she immediately said: “Let’s go to Rajdhani - The Thali Restaurant.”

My son and daughter both nodded in agreement. On return my son said: “I wish Pappa had taken us to Mainland China – he loves Chinese food.” “Or at least to Copper Chimney for the wonderful Punjabi food” added my daughter. “Yes, I too would have loved to go Mainland China”, I said.

My wife looked surprised: “But didn’t we all unanimously agree to go to Rajdhani” she asked.

I said sheepishly “I didn’t want you to feel bad.” And both my children nodded in agreement. Here were four people who of their own volition would not have gone to ‘Rajdhani - The Thali Restaurant', but collectively agreed to go there.

This also happens in the corporate world. This is the Abilene Paradox. Prof. Jerry Harvey calls it “The Inability to Manage Agreement”.

Abilene Paradox occurs when a group of people collectively decide on a course of action that is contrary to the preferences of many of the individuals in the group.

Prof. Harvey states in his paper ‘The Abilene Paradox’: “Organizations frequently take actions in contradiction to what they really want to do and therefore defeat the very purpose they are trying to achieve”. This is the inability to manage agreement.

He adds: “The inability to manage agreement, not the inability to manage conflict, is the essential symptom that defines organizations caught in the web of the Abilene Paradox.”

In the corporate world, when the top boss throws an idea, the group immediately agrees. This is because everyone in the group thinks he would look stupid if he disagrees.  Standing out as a lone voice is very embarrassing. This leads the group to decide on ‘yes’ when ‘no’ would have been the personal (and the correct) response of the majority.

I love this from Ayn Rand: “If we have an endless number of individual minds who are weak, meek, submissive and impotent – who renounce their creative supremacy for the sake of the “whole” and accept humbly the ‘whole’s verdict’ – we don’t get a collective super-brain. We get only the weak, meek, submissive and impotent collective mind.”😊
On Government and Taxation:


"In my many years I have come to a conclusion, ... that one useless man is a shame,   two [useless men] is a law firm and three or more [useless men] is a government."

 ~John Adams

  **

"If you don't read  the newspaper you are  uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are  misinformed."

~Mark Twain

 ***

"I  contend that for  a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying  to lift himself up by the  handle."

 ~Winston Churchill

 ***

"A government which  robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of  Paul."

~George Bernard Shaw 
                 
 ***

"Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries."

- Douglas Casey
A Classmate of Bill Clinton at University

 **

"Giving  money and  power to  government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys."

-P.J. O'Rourke,  Civil Libertarian

 **

"Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you!"

Pericles (430  B.C.) 
                       
***

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session."

-Mark Twain  (1866)
           
**

"The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy
appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other"

- Ronald  Reagan
Obama, Hillary and Trump are standing at the throne of heaven. God looks at them and says, "Before granting you a place at my side, I must ask you what you have learned, what you believe in."

 God asks Obama first: “What do you believe?"

 He thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, "I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my countrymen".

 God can’t help but see the essential goodness of Obama , and offers him a seat to his left.

 Then God turns to Hillary and says, "What do you believe?"

 Hillary says, "I believe passion, discipline, courage and honor are the fundamentals of life. Like Obama I believe in hard work. I, too, have been lucky, but win or lose, I've always tried to be a true patriot and a loyal American."

 God is greatly moved by Hillary's high-pitched eloquence, and he offers her a seat to his right.

 Finally, God turns to Trump and says, "And you, Donald, what do you believe?"



Trump replies, "I believe you're in my seat."😉😊😂😂
Fidel's Castro's oath was that  he will not die till he destroys America.
He died after Trump got elected! 😆😆
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut.
After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.

The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'Thank You' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a grocer comes in for a haircut, and when he tried to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community service this week.

The grocer was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'Thank You' card and a bag of fresh vegetables waiting for him at his door.

Then a politician came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.

The politician was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up,
there were a dozen politicians lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of a country and the politicians who run it.

The US invaded Iraq.

WHY?

US said iraq had Weapons of Mass Destruction !!


 THEN;

Why doesn't the US invade North Korea ?



Because....



 they actually have Weapons of Mass Destruction.

Killer speech by Zimbabwe President Robert Mugabe:

"Racism will never end as long as white cars are still using black tyres. Racism will never end if people still use black to symbolise bad luck and white for peace. Racism will never end if people still wear white clothes to weddings and black clothes to funerals. Racism will never end as long as those who don't pay their bills are blacklisted not white listed. Even when playing snooker, you haven't won until you've sunk the black ball, and the white ball must remain on the table! .............But I don't care, as long as I'm still using white toilet paper to wipe my black ass, I'm happy."
In Crown Heights, there was a Jewish man named Yankel, who owned a bakery. He survived the concentration camps, and always said, "You know why it is that I’m alive today?"

"I was a kid, just a teenager at the time. We were on the train being taken to Auschwitz. Night came and it was deathly cold in that boxcar. The Germans would leave the cars on the side of the tracks overnight, sometimes for days on end without any food, and no blankets to keep us warm," he said.

"Sitting next to me was this beloved elderly Jewish man from my hometown. He was shivering from head to toe, and looked terrible. So I wrapped my arms around him to warm him up. I rubbed his arms, his legs, his face, his neck. I begged him to hang on. All night long, I kept the man warm this way.

"I was tired, and freezing cold myself. My fingers were numb, but I didn’t stop rubbing heat into that old man’s body. Hours and hours went by until finally, morning came and the sun began to shine. When there was some light in the boxcar, I looked around to see the other people. To my horror, all I could see were frozen bodies. All I could hear was deathly silence.

"Nobody else in that cabin made it through the night. They died from the cold. Only two people survived: the old man and me. The old man survived because somebody kept him warm...and I survived because I was warming someone else.

"Can I tell you the secret to survival in this world? When you warm other people’s hearts, you remain warm yourself. When you seek to support, encourage and inspire others, then you discover support, encouragement and inspiration in your own life as well. That, my friends, is the secret to life."
GRATITUDE CAN CHANGE DESTINY

There was a small bird living in a desert.
With no sign of greenery the bird used to hop around on the hot sand through the day.

An angel while on his way to God saw the little bird and felt pity.
He went and asked
“O little bird! What are you doing in this hot desert? Can I do something for you?”

The little bird said,
 “I am very pleased with my life, but this heat is unbearable. Both my feet are getting burnt. Only if there was a tree here, I’d be delighted”.

Angel said,
 “Growing a tree in the middle of desert is beyond my scope. I am   going to meet God, let me speak to Him and ask if He could fulfill your desire”.

Angel asked God, if he could help the bird. God said,
“I could grow a tree, but her destiny doesn’t allow it. And I can’t change that. However, you can give her my message, which will help her survive the heat. Ask her to hop with one foot at a time. That way she can rest the other one for a while and change foot often. This way only one of her foot will have to bear the heat and other one will be able to rest and recover. Also tell her to remember all the good
things that have happened in her life and be thankful to God for that.

Angel came back to where the bird was and gave her this message from God.
 The bird was delighted by the idea and thanked him for the effort he made to make her comfortable.
After a few days,
Angel was crossing the same desert and thought of checking on the little bird.
He saw the bird sitting on big green tree, right in the middle of the desert.

 Angel was happy to see the bird in comfort but was very disappointed with God who suggested that there was no tree in this bird’s destiny.

He went to meet God and told Him the whole story.
 God replied,
 “I never lied to you. There was no tree in the bird’s destiny. However, after you gave her my message, which asked her to be grateful to God for the kind things, she did put those words to action. She remembered every possible thing from her life and thanked God with a pure heart. I was moved with her feeling of gratitude and that’s what made me change her destiny”.

Angel was pleased with the answer.😊🙏

A small gratitude can bring so much in our lives💕

Always thank God
&
Stay blessed
The best thing to learn in life is the habit of compromise,
Because it is always better to bend a little than to break a beautiful relationship
Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain b Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio_

To celebrate growing older, I once wrote few lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.

4. You don't have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.

5. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

6. Make peace with your past so it won't mess up the present.

7. Don't compare your life to others.  You have no idea what their journey is all about.

8. Take a deep breath every now and then. It calms the mind.

9. 'Get rid of anything that isn't useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.

10. It's never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.

11. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy clothes. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

12. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

13. Forgive others and yourself.

14. What other people think of you is none of your business.

15. Time heals almost everything. Give time a little time.

16. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

17. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

18. Believe in miracles.

19. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

20. Growing old Beats the alternative of dying young.

21. Your children get only one childhood.

22. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

23. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

24. Envy is waste of time. Accept what you already have, not what you need.

25. The best is yet to come...

26. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

27. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."
Today is
Charlie Chaplin's
125th birthday -
A Good Day to Recollect
his 3 Heart Touching
Statements:

(1) Nothing is Permanent
     in this World,
     not even our
     Troubles.

(2) I like Walking in
     the Rain,
because
     NoBody can see
     my Tears.


(3) The Most Wasted
      Day in Life is the
      Day in which
we
      have not Laughed.

LIFE is to Enjoy with
Whatever you have with
You,
Keep Smiling...!

If you feel STRESSED,
Give yourself A Break.

Enjoy Some..
Icecream/ Choclates/
Candy/ Cake...

Why...?
B'Coz..

STRESSED
backwards spelling is
DESSERTS...!!
Enjoy...!

Very Beautiful lines
Pls Store it.

ONE Good FRIEND
is equal to ONE
Good Medicine...!
Likewise
ONE Good
Group is equal to ONE
Full medical store...!!

Six Best Doctors
in the World...


1.Sunlight
2.Rest
3.Exercise
4.Diet
5.Self Confidence
6.Friends.

Maintain them
in all
stages of Life and
enjoy healthy life...!

If you see the Moon...
You see the Beauty of
God.....!
If you see the Sun...!
You see the power of
God....
And....
If you see the Mirror,
You see the
Best
Creation of GOD...!

So,
Believe in YOURSELF.
We all are Tourists &
God is our Travel Agent
Who has already fixed
all our Routes,
Reservations
& Destinations
So....
Trust him &
Enjoy the
"Trip" called LIFE...!!

Life will never
come Again.!!
Live Today..!
Read with patience 🍀


USED  vs. LOVED




While a man was polishing his new car, his 6 yr old son picked up a stone and scratched lines on the side of the car.
عندما كان أحدهم يلمع سيارته الجديدة اذا بطفله ذو الست سنوات يحمل حجرا ويكشط بأحد جوانب السيارة الجديدة



In anger, the man took the child's hand and hit it many times;
بدافع الغضب قام الأب بضرب ابنه على يده عدة مرات

not realising he was using a wrench.
لم ينتبه أنه يضرب ابنه بأداة صدئة



At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple fractures.
في المشفى فقد الابن كل اصابع يده بسبب ذلك



When the child saw his father...
عندما رأى الابن والده



with painful eyes he asked, 'Dad when will my fingers grow back?'
بعيون ملؤها الألم سأل
والدي مني  ستنمو أصابعي مجددا



The man was so hurt and speechless;
تألم الأب ولم يستطع الرد

he went back to his car and kicked it a lot of times.
رجع الأب للسيارة وركلها عدة مرات



Devastated by his own actions.....
مندفعا اومتاثرا بفعله

sitting in front of that car he looked at the scratches;
جالسا أمام السيار ينظر لنقش ابنه عليها



the child had written 'LOVE YOU DAD'.
فوجد أن طفله كتب
أحبك ابي



The next day that man committed suicide. . .
في اليوم التالي انتحر الرجل







Anger and Love have no limits;
الغضب والحب ليس لهما حدود

choose the latter to have a beautiful, lovely life.....
اختر الحب لتحصل على حياة جميلة ملؤها الحب



Things are to be used and people are to be loved.
الأشياء للاستعمال والناس للحب



But the problem in today's world is that,
لكن مشكلة عالم اليوم هي:



People are used and things are loved.
الناس تستعمل والأشياء تحب



In this year, let's be careful to keep this thought in mind:
في هذة السنة لنكن حريصين لحفظ الفكرة أدناه في عقولنا


Things are to be used,
الأشياء للاستعمال

but People are to be loved.
والناس للمحبة



Watch your thoughts; they become words.
راقب افكارك ستصبح كلمات


Watch your words; they become actions.
راقب كلماتك ستصبح افعال


Watch your actions; they become habits.
لاحظ أفعالك ستصبح سلوك


Watch your habits they become character;
راغب سلوكك فهو يحدد شخصيتك


Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
راغب شخصيتك فهي معيار حياتك

Saturday 13 May 2017

Who says we don't exercise?



We 'Jump' to conclusions, We 'Throw' our weight around,  We 'Twist' the truth, We 'Stretch' the lies, We 'Bend' the rules, We 'Push' our luck, We 'Lift' our egos, We 'Run' from tough situations.  

We are absolutely fit, But still, we're fat because we eat our words so often...
She texted me, "I think I've gained weight. Do you think I am fat and look like a cow?

I wanted to type 'Noooooooooo' but the damn Auto correct changed it to 'Mooooooooooo'.

Sigh ..  .. .. .. 
Single again !
A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.

Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis only to find a little Gorkha selling regimental ties.

The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"

The Gorkha replied, "There is no water, the well is dry. Would you like to buy a tie instead? They are only 150 Rs."

The Taliban shouted, "You idiot infidel! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!"

"OK," said the gorkha, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that, and that I am a much better human being than you. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find our Officers Mess. It has all the ice cold water you need.."

Cursing him, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later he staggered back towards the gorkha, collapsed with dehydration and rasped..... "They won't let me in without a bloody tie!"
😜😜
Absolute Classic!!!

A couple decided to commit suicide. After a rough life, they decided to jump off of a building. When they got to the top, they both counted to three. The man jumped, but the woman stayed. She watched him drop for about 8 seconds and then saw a parachute open. 
Now the question is .......
Who cheated whom😨😨😂😂

Some beautiful answers and way of thinking of Turkish poet Jalaluddin Rumi

🌸💐🌺🌼



What Is Poison ? ? ?
He Replied With A Beautiful Answer - AnyThing Which Is More Than Our Necessity Is Poison. It May Be Power, Wealth, Hunger, Ego, Greed, Laziness, Love, Ambition, Hate Or AnyThing.

What Is Fear ? ? ?
Non Acceptance Of Uncertainty.
If We Accept That Uncertainty, It Becomes Adventure.

What Is Envy ?
Non Acceptance Of Good In Others, If We Accept That Good, It Becomes Inspiration.

What Is Anger ? ? ?
Non Acceptance Of Things Which Are Beyond Our Control.
If We Accept, It Becomes Tolerance.

What Is Hatred ? ? ?
Non Acceptance Of Person As He Is. If We Accept Person Unconditionally, It Becomes Love. 😊 😊

I asked my friend's son what he wanted to be when he grows up. He said he wanted to be Prime Minister some day.

Both of his parents, liberal leftists, were standing there, so I asked him, 'If you were Prime Minister, what would be the first thing you would do?'

He replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.' His parents beamed with pride.

'Wow...what a worthy goal.' I told him. 'But you don't have to wait until you're Prime Minister to do that. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you Rs.500. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the same 500 rupee note for food and new set of clothes .'

He thought that over for a few seconds, then he looked me straight in the eyes and asked, ' Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him Rs.500?'

I said, 'Welcome to the Rightist fold.'

His parents still aren't speaking to me.

😂

WHY DIGNITY IS NOT NEGOTIABLE


One morning at our Law College, when our new teacher to "Introduction to the Rights" entered the classroom, the first thing that he did was to ask the name of a student who was seated on the first bench: "What is your name?"
"My name is Juan, Sir."
"Leave the classroom and I don't want to ever see you in my class ever!" screamed the unpleasant teacher.
Juan was bewildered. When he got hold of his senses, he got up quickly, collected his belongings and left the classroom.
All were scared and angry; however nobody spoke anything.
"Well...." said the new teacher, "whom do the enacted Laws serve?"
We were afraid, but slowly gained confidence and we began to answer his questions.
"So that there is an order in our society."
"No!" The teacher answered
"To accomplish them."
"No!"
"So that the wrong people pay for their actions?"
"No! Is it that nobody knows to answer this question?!"
"So that there is justice," said a girl timidly.
"At last! That's it.... so that there is justice. And now, what is the use of justice?"
All began to feel uneasy by such rude attitude. However, we followed answering....
"To safeguard the human rights...."
"Well, what more?" asked the teacher.
"To differentiate the right from the wrong.... to reward the good...."
"Ok, that is not bad; however... answer this question: Did I act correctly when expelling Juan from the classroom?"
All were quiet, nobody answered.
"I want a decisive and unanimous answer!"
"No!" we all replied in unison.
"Could you all say I committed injustice?"
"Yes!"
"And why did nobody do anything in that respect? So why do we need Rules and Laws if we don't have the necessary will to practice them? Each one of you has the obligation of when you witness an injustice. All of you! Do not stay quiet, never again! Go and call Juan," he said staring at me.
On that day, I received the most practical lesson in my course of Law.
When we don't defend our Rights, we lose our Dignity, and Dignity is not negotiable.

Monday 13 March 2017

Donald Trump chose Mickey Pence as his vice-president. 
Did anyone else realize that Mickey and Donald will run America from now on?

Walt Disney also could not have imagined this 😜

Saturday 18 February 2017

In a "Mental Hospital" a journalist asks the Doctor: How do you determine whether to admit a mental patient or not to?

Doctor: "Well, we fill a bathtub with water and then give the patient;
(a) a  teaspoon 
(b) a glass 
(c) a bucket
and ask them to empty the bathtub."

Journalist: "Oh, obviously a normal person would use the bucket because its bigger."

Doctor: "No, a normal person would pull the drain plug! Please go to bed No.39. 
We will start further investigations on you too!"
........................................

😀😀 You also thought of the bucket, didn't you? Please go to bed No. 40.

The hospital has a few more rooms available. 
Please forward this so that we can check if you have friends or relatives who need a 'mental' check up.

Wednesday 15 February 2017

This is a friendly reminder about drinking and driving during the New Year season.

One of my friends went out last night and after drinking he made a sensible decision to leave his car at the pub and took the bus home. He was really proud of himself this morning..!!

He had never driven a bus before!! 😂😂😂
Winner of the Chicago Tribune's best Tweet of the week... 

"I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant... but apparently it just changes the color of the baby !!!"


Superb Story. 

A little boy went to his old grandpa and asked, "What's the value of life?"

The grandpa gave him one stone and said, "Find out the value of this stone, but don't sell it."

The boy took the stone to an Orange Seller and asked him what its cost would be.

The Orange Seller saw the shiny stone and said, "You can take 12 oranges and give me the stone."

The boy apologized and said that the grandpa has asked him not to sell it.

He went ahead and found a vegetable seller.

"What could be the value of this stone?" he asked the vegetable seller.

The seller saw the shiny stone and said, "Take one sack of potatoes and give me the stone."

The boy again apologized and said he can't sell it.

Further ahead, he went into a jewellery shop and asked the value of the stone.

The jeweler saw the stone under a lens and said, "I'll give you 1 million for this stone." 

When the boy shook his head, the jeweler said, "Alright, alright, take 2 24karat gold necklaces, but give me the stone."

The boy explained that he can't sell the stone.

Further ahead, the boy saw a precious stone's shop and asked the seller the value of this stone.

When the precious stone's seller saw the big ruby, he lay down a red cloth and put the ruby on it.

Then he walked in circles around the ruby and bent down and touched his head in front of the ruby. "From where did you bring this priceless ruby from?" he asked.

"Even if I sell the whole world, and my life, I won't
be able to purchase this priceless stone."

Stunned and confused, the boy returned to the grandpa and told him what had happened. 

"Now tell me what is the value of life, grandpa?"

Grandpa said, 

"The answers you got from the Orange Seller, the Vegetable Seller, the Jeweler & the Precious Stone's Seller explain the value of our life...

You may be a precious stone, even priceless, but, people will value you based on their status, their charecter, their level of information, their belief in you, their motive behind entertaining you, their ambition, and their risk taking ability. 

But don't fear, you will surely find someone who will discern your true value."

Respect yourself.

Don't sell yourself cheap.

You are Unique.

No one can Replace you.
Value the value...

Good Life 💐💐💐
I hate people who can't hold their drinks!! Last night my friends dropped me 4 times while carrying me home 😜😜
"There are all kinds of futures. There is a hoped-for future, there is a feared future, there is a predictable future, and there is an unimagined future."-werner.
Life is great if lived as a  discovery- moment by moment - than  living it from our domain of knowledge and past experience. 
See,listen to ,feel and experience - things and relationships with people ,from now, in a way that you have never ever interacted  before - the sheer power of discovery !
Consider trying it and experience  the miracle of living life !
Time has no holiday.. Dreams have no expiry date.. And life has no pause button...! 

Live it..  Love it.. 
Enjoy each and every moment of your life....!! 

Save only those memories which gives twinkle in your eyes... Not wrinkles on your face...!! 

Freedom in Not Being Attached
The roots of attachment run deep, and it's all about survival. As young ones, we need to attach to the people around us to get our needs met. Then we get attached to love, success, attention from others, material objects, security. We're held hostage by these needs.
Being attached is bound to cause suffering. Because no matter how hard we try, all forms are created with an expiration date. All forms are temporary, and they will go. And to state the obvious, no one has made it out of here alive.
We start by being attached to survival, to those who make our survival possible, and it continues from there. We experience a great comfort with the known and the familiar and begin to fear letting go into what we cannot know or control.
Investigating our attachments opens the path to a life that is authentic and real. If we bring our fears out of the shadows with a willingness to befriend them, if we contemplate the dissolution of everything we know, the heart can't help but sing a song of gratitude. Everything could go, but reality remains – this moment – fresh, alive, and overflowing.

-Gail Brenner
LAWS THAT YOU DIDN'T LEARN AT SCHOOL 

1) Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair:

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

2) Anthony's Law of the Workshop:

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3) Kovac's Conundrum:

When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged tone.

4) Cannon's Karmic Law:

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, and the very next morning you will get a flat tyre.

5) O'brien's Variation Law:

If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

6) BELL'S THEOREM:

When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

7) RUBY'S PRINCIPLE OF CLOSE ENCOUNTERS:

The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

8) WILLOUGHBY'S LAW:

When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

9) ZADRA'S LAW OF BIOMECHANICS:

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

10) BREDA'S RULE:

At any event, the people whose seats are farthest from the aisle arrive last.

11) OWEN'S LAW:

As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Thanks



😃Thanks to those who hated me, they made me a stronger person.
😃Thanks to those who loved me, they made my heart bigger.
😃Thanks to those who were worried about me, they let me know that they actually cared.
😃Thanks to those who left me, they made me realize that nothing lasts forever.
😃Thanks to those who entered my life, they made me who i'm today.
Just want to Thank you all for being there in my life!! 😄
I just discovered my age group!  I am a Seenager. (Senior teenager) 
 
I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 50 years later. 
 
I don't have to go to school. 
 
I get an allowance every month. 
 
I have my own pad. 
 
I don't have a curfew. 
 
I have a driver's license and my own car. 
 
I have ID that gets me into everywhere. 
 
The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant, they aren't scared of anything, they have been blessed to live this long, why be scared? 
 
And I don't have acne. 
 
Life is Good!  Also, you will feel much more intelligent after reading this, if you are a Seenager.
Exercising, avoiding alcohol and  cutting down on non-veg food will certainly add some years to your life. 

But remember, it is your old age that will get extended, not the youth..

Truly inspiring :

In life I have forgotten how many times I have fallen. 
How many times I have hurt myself. 
The entire world laughed at me.
But I never gave up. 
I have always picked myself up, dusted myself and walked upto the waiter and said,
"Another large please !"

😜
Meaning of a " true friend "

This year, like me, a lot of my school,college and university mates turned 50 the half way mark in their lives n in a way hoping they live reasonably long life i wished them " happy half century ".it also set me thinking.. who out of all these people that I met along the way would remain alongside... n would define the true meaning of friendship...

The age old saying "a friend in need is a friend in deed" does it define? or is it when we categorize people just as the" tree test" i read somewhere on this group? Is it the person who is at your bedside when you are extremely sick or is it the person who offers help when you are going through a rough patch..

In my search for an answer to my dilemma.. i thought of moments or occassions when true friendship could be  defined.. when you travel with a person? when any matter relating to money comes up between you two,when a person appears on a happy occasion or a sad one, whether he is a person who mingles with your family or the one who does not etc. the list goes on..n some answers started cropping up in my mind which i would like to share with you all

A friend is not a person who is at your bedside when you are ill...but a person who senses that you are going to fall ill and prevents it.

A friend is not a person who will offer you money when you are broke but will sense that you are n will put money where you can find it without telling you.

A friend is a person who will not try to look for beauty in your face or body but that in your soul(heart and mind)

A friend is not a person who will get you a job when you are without one but a person who will find you a career 

Again the list goes on...and through this in the end i found one definition which may be true and sums up it all

A friend doesn't care for what you are,who you are,why you are,where you are, when you are, whether you are but a person who accepts you " just the way you are"

Means " never puts you through judgement "

But the irony is to find such a person one still needs to judge the other...
Julie Andrews Turning  79 - this is hysterical!   

To commemorate her birthday, actress/vocalist, Julie Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattan's Radio City Music Hall for the benefit of the AARP.  One of the musical numbers she performed was 'My Favorite Things' from the legendary movie 'Sound Of Music'.  Here are the lyrics she used: 

Botox and nose drops and needles for knitting, 
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings, 
Bundles of magazines tied up in string, 
  These are a few of my favorite things. 

Cadillacs and cataracts, hearing aids and glasses, 
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses, 
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings, 
  These are a few of my favorite things. 

When the pipes leak, When the bones creak, 
When the knees go bad, 
I simply remember my favorite things, 
     And then I don't feel so bad. 

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions, 
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions, 
Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring, 
    These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pain, confused brains and no need for sinnin', 
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',   
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames, 
  When we remember our favorite things. 

When the joints ache, When the hips break, 
     When the eyes grow dim, 
Then I remember the great life I've had, 
      And then I don't feel so bad. 
>>>>>>>>>>>>> > >>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>
(Ms. Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd 
that lasted over four minutes and repeated encores. Please 
share Ms. Andrews' clever wit and humor with others who 
would appreciate it.)
*CASE STUDY*

A woman was driving an old Volvo car when she mistakenly hit a 2016 Range Rover.
The lady came out from her Range Rover insulting the other lady for not being careful, asking her to repair her Range Rover.
The woman with the Volvo called her husband, he replied that he was busy, that she should try fix up things and that they will meet later at home.
The lady with the Range Rover called her boyfriend and said "sweetheart someone just hit the birthday gift you gave me, I am so angry, pls come over.
Few minutes later her boyfriend arrived.
Guess what? He is the husband to the lady with the Volvo car.

*Discuss the possible short term and long term outcomes.* (20Marks)
For our wordsmith... A brilliantly written piece...

So Funny, This Human Anatomy
Where can a man buy a cap for his knee,
Or the key to a lock of his hair?
Can his eyes be called an academy?
Because there are pupils there?   
 
In the crown of your head can jewels be found?
Who crosses the bridge of your nose?
If you wanted to shingle the roof of your mouth,
Would you use the nails on your toes?
 
Can you sit in the shade of the palm of your hand,
Or beat on the drum of your ear?
Can the calf in your leg eat the corn off your toe?
Then why not grow corn on the ear?   
 
Can the crook in your elbow be sent to jail?
If so, just what did he do?
How can you sharpen your shoulder blades?

For English language lovers

Sunday 12 February 2017

WHAT IS VALENTINE'S DAY?                                  
🌹🌹
If you marry the right lady, everyday is Valentine's Day. Marry the wrong lady, everyday is Martyrs Day. Marry a lazy lady, everyday is Labour Day. Marry a rich lady, everyday is New Year's Day .You marry a childish lady, everyday would seem like Children's Day. Marry a cheater or liar, everyday will become April Fool's Day. Don't get married, everyday is Independance Day💃💃